I've arrived in Heaven!

For the first time (aside from the desert sand and heat surrounding every city) I feel like I have arrived in an area that much more meets my imagined view of the Middle East!
Although we're still surrounded by so many Western touches (Pepsi signs, Volkswagons, Pampers + Tang in the stores), Muscat is relatively much more traditional, and full of history and culture.

The buildings are a light cream, yellow, or light pinky stucco buildings with either castle-like or ruffled trim along the top of their 3-4 stories. Most buildings are and look very new, but there are no highrises and not a lot of steel and glass. Many of the most beautiful buildings are either mosques or (government) Minster's compounds.

Our guide and his driver quickly drove us past the cultural tour sites that we'll visit on Saturday with the group, and then along a brand new highway in an air-conditioned Land Rover over the rolling "mountains" to the Barr Al Jissah Shangri-La Resort + Spa. Lots of greenery with palm trees and flowers (all imported) and planted within the last few years. Until the installation of the desalination plant there was no water for things like bougainvilla bushes!

Once you are past the 10 ft of landscaping though at the edge of the road, there is just rock, rock and more rock. But it's beautiful! Shades of orange + cream and striated with lines and time. Some of the rocky hilltops nearer Muscat are crowned with forts from the late 1500's when they were protecting the then-village from the Portuguese invaders.

We drove over a rocky hill and through the gates of the Shangri-La, and this is how I define heaven! There is nothing but rocky features all around, but nestled against the green/blue ocean are the 3 compounds that make up the hotel. No other developments anywhere for miles.
My room is at the one at the end of the bay, looking over the curved sandy beach dotted with cabana chairs, umbrellas, and palm trees, along with the other 2 compounds, for about a half mile. The place is almost deserted and as far as I can tell there are about 10 staff per guest.

We were driven to the front door and entered the palatial lobby with walkways spanning over the indoor fountains and shallow pools. Its about as close to a modern palace as I can imagine, with marble columns and a large pircture window overlooking the cliff and out to the ocean. We waited on chaise lounges amidst silk pillows while the staff came to us with cold towels and fresh juice, taking our passports and bringing our room folios to us where we sat.

My room is even larger and better appointed than The Raffles was, with a full set of outdoor couches on the ground level patio. The ground only extending about 15 feet before the cliff drops off and the beach begins.

I am sitting now in the blazing afternoon sun, kept cool by the hearty but soft breeze, on the outdoor deck of the Sultanah restaurant which also overlooks the beach. I have lunched on a warm vegetable salad, and lightly grilled ahi tuna with sparkling and crisp pellegrino. Another couple is sipping champagne in the shade - but for them the place is serene and tranquil....

Xo
Leah

On the Road - Day 6

Good morning!

I've just figured out that I've hit the airport(s) 6 times in 6 days. Another 9 between now and November 11th - how relaxing!

24 hours since my last note and it's been a fast pace. We landed (late) in Doha and had a scant 4 hours to dash around to all of our meeting sites with our guide. Made easier was the fact that both Al Jazeera and the US Central Command base are off limits until we actually visit them with our group next week.

Doha's the capital of Qatar, a country of only a quarter million people. 6000 of which are members of the Royal Family and who spend some time in the palace compounds built along the water. Some of the buildings in Doha have been around since the 60's and most of the roads have been completed enough that getting around is easy + quick. The skyline again is dotted with brand new modern skyscrapers, most in varying stages of completion, with 500 towers to be build in the next 7 years by 2015. 500!!!!

Doha feels a little more like a resort, at least our hotel does as it's right on the beach with a large pool and cabana area. Not too relaxing though what with the sounds of construction everywhere around us.

Our guide Leel, who will be with us next week, finally captured what we've been feeling. It's been incredibly hard to confirm meetings, get answers back, finalize venues and speakers. Much more so than any other excursion I've organized. Leel (who comes from Sri Lanka) offered that people here have so much money that there's not a sense of urgency to anything. Most work in the mornings and take the afternoons off. Shopping is the biggest form of entertainment, as are afternoon coffees at Starbucks. Ah! That explains it.

The nationals of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) are a minority and very well taken care of by their government, including free houses, cushy jobs, and a $25,000 subsidy for your wedding if you marry another national. All the service jobs in the hotels and elsewhere, and certainly construction, are all done by foreign workers.

Spent a half an hour napping on the beach in the late afternoon, but as the sun goes down just after 5 I have yet to experience the real heat. Everything is air conditioned to the nth degree so much so that I'm wearing more and more layers as I look longingly outside at the sun during the day.

Early morning with a 4 am wakeup call and back on the plane to Muscat, Oman this morning. We'll be on the ground for 3 days, with our participants starting to arrive tonight and tomorrow. Today will be a little frantic trying to get our packages organized for the guests, incorporating the 957 large + small changes that we've made to the program now that we've been here in person. The goal is to take half a day off tomorrow in the sun before we launch into the 6 am - 10 pm days of our program.

Xo
Leah

Arrival in the Middle East...

We're tracing the steps that we will do with our group when they arrive next week in the 4 cities that we're taking them to and so started in Dubai with a drive to Abu Dhabi and on the plane to Doha today.

We went to a Starbucks yesterday and it was exactly the same down to the uniforms and the white ceramic trays that the pastries sat in. Oh to be the supplier of white ceramic trays to Starbucks! You'd be set!

We were also on the road yesterday all day so lunch was from Burger King. (Such a glamourous way to travel). I had a Lite chicken burger on whole wheat (still working off my 3lbs!) But I could have had a Whopper or onion rings just like home. Other choices would have been Subway, Basken + Robbins, and of course McDonalds. I've also seen a Harley Davidson store and a "Safest Way" (like Safeway). All the major hotel chains are here of course, and the Hilton in Abu Dhabi was stunning - tallest tower in the city and right across the street from the beach.

The black floor length sabayas that the women wear are actually surprisingly sexy. I walked out of the elevator and a woman standing there was breaktaking. Of course all you could see were her eyes but she was incredibly beautiful. The women's robes have slight personalizations like crystals or sequins and some have brands like the YSL logo subtley embroidered. Another gal at the airport was walking and you could see that she had jeans and heels underneath.

For the men, wearing the white robes is a choice, but if I was a guy I'd be into that for sure rather than a heavy and binding wool suit in this weather! The more you see them the more you start to notice the subtle differences in the robes which look the same at the beginning. The higher quality ones are white white, starched and pressed just so, with very subtle quality trim. They personalize their outfits by their cufflinks, jewelry, and shoes. So far, no "dark-eyed" males have been learing, no matter what Gramma led me to expect.

I was sad to leave our hotel this morning, out of my large room with balcony overlooking the pool and then the city, with a walk in closet and bath tub that you could swim in. Raffles here is really new and modern and is like an upscale Four Seasons. I will especially miss my daily basket of assorted exotic fruit and floor butler, who knocks on the door every morning 5 minutes after my wake-up call with a silver tray of coffee and mini chocolate cookies. (Didn't try the cookies - 3 lb thing!!)

Yesterday I had a very short break at the pool where I was virtually the only guest there to use the swim up bar and current pool (where you swim in place against the current). I'm not entirely sure but I think that the walls are actually painted in gold in places - the hotel is built in the shape of a pyramid with a 4-5 story lobby full of Egyptian-style pillars, water pools, and comfy seating strewn (precisely casually) with pillows.

Last evening the General Manager hosted us for cocktails in the lounge where we sat in a Persian style gazebo with more pillows, overlooking the statues and waterfalls in the hotel's botanical garden. 2 other tables there had gals (who looked liked arabian fashion models, dressed in very high-end Western clothes) smoking hubbly bubbly pipes. They are tall (2-3 ft) ornate silver and glass and heated with steam with fruity scents. They're supposed to make you mellow and a brilliant conversationalist : )

Dubai is like one large construction site, and everything is brand, spanking new. Only a small town of 25,000 lived here in one-story sand houses 30 years ago. Now they boast the world's best of everything. The tallest skyscrapers, the largest theme parks, the top of the line golf courses - everything. Their unique (and very expensive) taste for creating man-made islands off the beach by taking sand and piling it out in the gulf has resulted in a massive development that from the air is shaped like a giant palm tree with 1000's of high end waterfront homes. Another development looks like a map of the world from the air, again comprised of tiny man made islands all designed to be miniature continents.

We drove by a huge modern building home to the world's largest indoor ski hill (totally man made and air conditioned to freezing). One mall, opening tomorrow, covers 50 football fields and has parking for 14,000 cars. Every road is under construction and buildings, over 100 stories high, are erected in less than 18 months with the most spectacular architecture. Crews are scheduled 24 hours a day and are recruited from Pakistan, India, and other Asian countries. I thought all of the world's cranes were in Shanghai but they're everywhere here as well. The city is now 1.5 million and growing fast. Although of course you get to the edge and there's nothing by scrubby flat desert as far as the eye can see!

I'll check in again soon, assuming that I can remain un-kidnapped for another couple of days.

Xo
Leah

The List

THE LIST

John just found
a small pad of paper
with my mother’s handwriting
still beautiful
but shaky.

With a list of 13 dates
written out from May 22 to June 3.

A little calendar of things she’s got
planned and what
she’s looking forward to.

On May 22 it says Make Buns
and on May 23 it says Make Chicken Soup.

Smaller expectations from previous calendars I know.

On May 24 it says Sort Books in Shed
which makes me sad because it’s one of the
projects that she really wanted to do when I was here last
but I was trying to keep up with my email from work
and so we didn’t.

The Books are her boxes of children’s books
that she wanted to look through and pick out
her favourite ones for me
in case I ever get around to having kids.
So that I will have them to read with them.

On her last night I asked her to tell me
which ones were her favourites
so that I can find them on my own.
She took a long time to answer and I’m not
sure if The Cat Box means that
there is a book called The Cat Box or
if there is a box of books about cats.

It’s May 31 today and she's already gone so
the pedicure she was scheduled to have
on June 3 will have to be cancelled.

It’s a sign of a good life when you still
have things you are
looking forward to doing even if you don’t ever get to do them.

-Leah Costello

Still Here

STILL HERE

We’re sitting on the porch and
I’m reflecting and being quiet
John’s talking.

We should do this and
we should do that and he thinks
I should go for a run with Catherine from
next door because
I would really like it.

And I probably really would but that’s not the point
and he catches my thoughts and says
he bets I thought that with my mother gone
no-one would still be trying to tell me what to do.

I smile and think that sometimes when people are
married for a long time they become
a lot like each other.

Or maybe they get married because
they are already a lot like each other?

-Leah Costello

Mornings

THE MORNING AFTER

Before she got diagnosed the second, and final time
I asked her how she was feeling about
her post-cancer life.

At that time, I believe,
she was mostly trying to
deal with the loss of her breast, the scars it left,
and the worry that the cancer might
come back.

So in answer to my question,
she said “Okay”.
And with more consideration,
“Pretty Good, you know”.
Because my mother dealt with everything that way.
Straight-forward.
Practical.
And determinedly Optimistic.

But then she said, in answer to my question, that
the mornings were the worst.

She said that there were those moments
in the morning.
When you’re just waking up
from that sleepy haze.
The sun might be coming in.
The birds might be singing.

And you’re still just…feeling.
You haven’t started thinking yet.

And then it comes over you.

The reality.
The knowledge.
The understanding that things have changed
and are different now
and will never be the same.

Mornings were the worst.

Mornings were the worst.
But then she’d have her coffee
and go upstairs
and nudge the cat
and have some breakfast.
And have a Pretty Good day.

So I woke up this morning
in a sleepy haze
in my mother’s house
for the first time without my mother.

The sun was coming in the window
on the honey coloured beams
and the birds were singing outside.

And I was just…feeling.
I hadn’t started thinking yet.

And then it came over me.
The reality.
The knowledge.
The understanding that things have changed
and are different now
and will never be the same.

And I know what she meant now
that mornings were the worst.

This morning was the worst.

But then I went downstairs
and nudged the cat
and had some coffee
and then some breakfast.
I will try to have a Pretty Good day.

-Leah Costello

May 20, 2008 - 3:15 pm

May 30, 2008 - 3:15 pm

Her breathing’s really slow
and her eye lids flutter
and it’s really quiet.

But there are some birds chirping outside
and some ducks playing in the
pond made by the
overflowing creek.

Then, gently,
she just whispers to a stop.

-Leah Costello

Drowning

DROWNING

I don’t know the medical term for it
but she’s got some kind of fluid
bubbling up in the back of her throat.

Her already strained breathing is
clouded further
by the froth and bubbles that
she’s trying to breathe though.

We wonder if this is maybe just part of the process
or if we can do something about it
to make her more comfortable
like we promised we would do.

Ruth left a vacuum-type thing
Like something you’d use in a dentist’s office
with a suction hose.

So I turn it on and it makes
a loud whirring sound
overcome only by the
whirring sound of the oxygen machine that is still
rasping in the corner.

We clear some of the fluid
but there’s more below that
and the suction won’t clear it out.

So I turn off the machine
and make her more comfortable
by touching her face and
holding her hand.

Listening to her and
watching her struggle makes
my own breath feel tight.

I hope, in agony, that she knows
and feels, that we’re doing our best.

-Leah Costello

Last Words

LAST WORDS

In the movies it seems like
people say their last words
and then shut their eyes
and they’re gone.

After 12 hours of her being unconscious
and unresponsive to
touch and sound,
I am wondering if I should stretch out
on the couch instead of
napping in the chair beside her bed
where I’ve been since Wednesday night.
I’ve been wondering this for a while
because in a situation like this
nothing happens quickly and you have
a lot of time to ponder even small decisions.

The couch looks more comfortable but then again
I can’t hold her hand from there.

And while I am thinking about this
she opens her eyes
and squeezes my hand,
which is still there,
and says “I love you both”.

Which seems like something
you would just imagine wanting
someone to say at a time like this.

But she actually just said that.

And now she’s been unconscious again
for nearly another 12 hours and I am still in my
chair because there will be lots
of other times
to lie on the couch.

-Leah Costello

Breathing

BREATHING

She’s been unconscious
for over 12 hours now.

Which might not seem like a long time
if you’re lying on a beach on your
last day of vacation
or having a busy day at work.

But when all you’re doing
is watching someone breathe
and wondering if they’ll breathe again
it can feel like time is standing still.

She’s breathing on average
six and a half times per minute
if I were to count.
Which I do because what else
do you do when all you can do is
watch and wonder and count.

And six and a half times per minute
means that there are many times when
I think it has to be down to four now
because it’s such a long time in between.

So I count again and it’s still six and a half.

-Leah Costello

Nightie

NIGHTIE

Her nightie is bunched
under her arms
behind her back.
The collar is crooked and one side is pulled
up too high
and gaping
slightly around her neck.

At the store it would be
on a hanger
draped and smooth
but probably not as pretty.

-Leah Costello

Sunflowers for Mom

SUNFLOWERS FOR MOM

She’s sort of in and out of sleep
and part of it is that John can’t stay still.
He’s very intent on entertaining her
which is more than I have the will to do
and I admire his energy while
he admires my ability
to just sit with her for so long.

He comes with juice
and a spoonful of ice cream
and turns on her favourite music
and brings her a stuffed sheep.

He says that he will go and bring her sunflowers
but she has to promise to be here when
he gets back.

She nods yes that she promises
and seemingly seconds later
he arrives back with a huge
bunch of sunflowers
from the hill down the road.

I’ve heard the phrase
“her face lit up” but never really
understood it until
I saw my mother’s face
light up at the sight of that armful of vibrant yellow life.

Her movements aren’t completely coordinated
and she can no longer speak
but she reaches for the flowers
and holds them, glowing, while
John looks for a vase.

-Leah Costello

Christmas Letter 2007

December 2007

I’m not sure why I was in such a rush to buy my cards before Christmas given that I’m not writing in them until nearly New Years! A benefit I suppose in my procrastinating is that you will get my 2007 update so complete it will include even the last few hours of the year…

Most of the interesting things I did in 2007 were through my job at the Fraser Institute where I have worked now for just over (gulp) 6 years! In the spring I was promoted to Director of Events which has been interesting as I now sit on our management committee and am more involved in decisions about the organization as a whole. Primarily it means more reports to write, financials to analyze, and just a little more stress, but the experience has been good so far!

As part of our efforts to bring discussions around public policy ideas to a younger (than 65!) demographic, I started hosting a monthly event series called Behind the Spin at the trendy OPUS Lounge in Yaletown. Over green martinis and canapés we have entertained guests including US Ambassador to Canada David Wilkins, the leader of the Marijuana Party Marc Emery, and conservative communications guru Tom Flanagan. We’ve also discussed climate change, healthcare, and, with VSO Maestro Bramwell Tovey, the role of government in funding Arts & Culture. All of which has involved a few late nights, a lot of wine, and many interesting ideas as to how to solve some of the world’s most challenging problems!

The biggest blast to the past was the opportunity for me to host Brian Mulroney as he came through Vancouver on his book tour in late September. He’s the only Prime Minister I remember from my childhood and so to share a stage with him was somewhat surreal. He’s quite a character with his Irish charm and humour, but I was happy that our event was over before he made such controversial front page news for the rest of the fall! We taped that event and a number of the OPUS events and will have them posted on-line soon.

I’ve also continued organizing policy excursions farther afield including our annual trip to Washington where we added a visit to the Supreme Court and briefing by Chief Justice John Roberts. This spurred an interesting discussion on the role of the courts in protecting (or not) liberty and freedom. However the most complicated but rewarding project was a two-week excursion to Shanghai and Beijing. This was a fascinating experience – China is such an eclectic mix of capitalism and communism! They have the most modern architecture and technology but then you turn around and their garbage collection is done with small barrels on the back of bicycles. Other trips included many visits to Calgary, Toronto, Montreal, & Ottawa, as well as a week in London, England. 2008 will find me again in London, Scotland, and Washington D.C., but also a week of springtime in New York and a trip to Kuwait City and Dubai in the fall exploring Economic Freedom in the Arab world. I’m intrigued to see if the faucets really are plated in gold there…
I had a few free moments for some personal trips and over Easter took David on a journey of my childhood. We drove through 100 Mile House and then up the long winding road to my Mom & John’s ranch in Tatlayoko Lake. I’m pretty sure his car had never seen gravel roads before and I’m pretty sure they may never again! In May we spent some time north of San Francisco in the Sonoma valley – amongst the eating and wine-drinking we rented some bikes and visited some of the local wineries. Reminiscent of our trip to Italy the year before and an inspiration to take more time doing more of the same this year! More food and wine in San Francisco and a brave trip across the Bay for a tour of Alcatraz. In search of sun, we spent a weekend in Los Angeles in September and have booked a much-needed get-away to Hawaii for mid-January. yay!yay!!!

Sadly though, the year has ended with some bad news for our family….

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago and after surgery and chemotherapy we hoped she had overcome it. Unfortunately she has been re-diagnosed with cancer this fall - she will start radiation therapy in January to help her be more comfortable but no cure is expected this time.

I’ve spent the last week over Christmas here in Tatlayoko Lake at the ranch. We’ve shared a bunch of tears but also some laughs and great memories. She has an amazing spirit and a very positive attitude. In a moment of reflection she told me that she is very happy with her life and the many things she has experienced in the world and contributed back. I think that although this is a sad and frightening time for all of us, she is a living inspiration in how to live well and enjoy each day with few regrets. Although she has closed the chapter on the teaching career that she has loved for so long, and the community newspaper that she published for 10 years, she plans to keep doing what she loves for as long as possible. She’s got a bouncy dog that she takes snowshoeing every day and a number of projects on the go with her husband John. The vast number of local friends and neighbours arriving through the snow with baskets of food and good wishes make me nostalgic and grateful all at the same time.

It seems better somehow to have a chance to say good-bye and I’m grateful for the time that we still have together – it will be a very special year…

Lots of Love to you in 2008,

Leah, Gustav, & Simba

Not Going to Get Better

NOT GOING TO GET BETTER

So we’re all getting better at doing this.

This time I’ve been told clearly that the
new spot is cancerous and that there is
an appointment in Kelowna
on Monday morning.

The promised call doesn’t come until late that night
but I miss the phone in the back seat so
I listen to my mother leaving me the
phone number of the
hotel in Kelowna.

It’s 9:30 at night so I should know that it’s
bad news but people with
bad news don’t do normal things like
leave messages with phone numbers on
answering machines
I think.

I’m still not expecting my mother to say in a
steady but already resigned voice
that this time …

she’s not going to get better.

-Leah Costello

Unexpected

UNEXPECTED

There’s a song about sunscreen
that says that sometimes
the biggest moments in life
come when you’re not expecting them
like on a Tuesday afternoon.

It was a Saturday afternoon in dreary November
when John said
that they’ve found some more spots and
they aren’t sure what it means
but that my mother has some tests scheduled.

And so I let out a gasp
and started to cry
and John said
“DON’T. Just don’t. That’s what your mother did.”

Which, interpreted, means
he’s really scared and so is my mother
and if I want to cry it will have to be later.

-Leah Costello

Lop-Sided

LOP-SIDED

I know there will be something
warm and hot on the stove and Mom
will have been waiting.
Waiting for the sound of the car
completing my snowy journey
since my last call nearly three hours ago
from the outskirts
of Williams Lake.

My throat catches
as it always does
as the lights come into view
on their little log house as I
drive over the crest of the hill.

Turning right into the driveway
over the cattle guard that
never keeps all of cattle out.
Left past John’s shop and the sheds
that house my childhood treasures and the newly re-built
computer shed/movie-making studio.

Down the slope
between the creek
and the basement door and
I’m a little slow
getting out of the car
because I’m scared to see her.

I brace myself
and put on a smile
and it’s okay
to hide a little behind the
It’s Been A Long Drive face.

She gives me a huge hug and
we’re both shaking with emotion
and she calls me Boo Boo.
I’m just surviving the moment because
she’s lop-sided
underneath her sweater
and I’m trying not to look
while trying not to make it obvious
that I’m not looking.

-Leah Costello

All She Wants for Christmas

ALL SHE WANTS FOR CHRISTMAS

I’m walking through the Bay
looking at men’s clothes because
Mom says John wants a sweater
for Christmas.

I’m not sure if John actually wants a sweater
for Christmas or if it’s
one of those things
like when you’re a kid
and your Mom tells you that
what she really wants
are some new
oven mitts or ear muffs or black socks.

Because she knows that
what you really want
is to make her happy.
So she picks Something Easy
for you to buy
and you don’t realize
until you’re older
that for her it wasn’t about the item
it was about
seeing the look of relief on her daughter’s face
that she found the present that her mother really wanted.

I guess that’s why she didn’t ever make it
hard and tell me that what
she really wanted for Christmas was
for me to shack up with an artist or
share her leftist political views
or move to a small town.

So I’m wandering through the sweater aisles
and the most important thing
at the moment is deciding on
brown or blue?

I know that they’re expecting a
call from the Doctor this morning
to tell them if the
test results say that the
cancer has spread to her lymph nodes or not.
I don’t know what a lymph node is but
I know enough to know that we
don’t want her to have cancer in them.

When my phone rings in the
Men’s Department I know already
that it’s good news because
I understand now that
good news is shared
as soon as possible and that only
bad news waits until there’s been
time to process and plan
a communication strategy.

So when I arrive on the
Kitchen & Bath floor I understand that it’s not about the
blue Cuisine Art griddle pan because
she’s already received
what she wouldn’t have been able to ask me for.

-Leah Costello

Mastectomy

MASTECTOMY

I’m sitting in my car on 2nd Avenue
in tears because she’s going to have a
Mastectomy.

I’m devastated for my mother because
she’s a very sexual person
and although it might be unusual for
her daughter to understand that about her mother
its just one of those things I’m
acutely aware of right now.

I’m feeling so profoundly sad for her
but what can I do but sit, in tears,
in my car on 2nd Avenue.

-Leah Costello

It's Cancer

IT’S CANCER

I’m driving to sailing and I
call Mom and John to
ask about the check-up.

It’s been a couple of days so
probably perhaps that means there’s no
bad news to speak of?

It’s not unusual for them to mention
days or weeks later in a conversation
much after the fact
that Mom’s broken her arm
and they had to drive 6 hours to the hospital in Kamloops, twice,
and now she has a metal plate bolted into her elbow.
Or that John lit the computer shed
on fire by accident last week but luckily the
local volunteer fire brigade
of neighbours with buckets
dipping water out of the creek
put the flames out before they reached the house.

John’s flustered and worried and frustrated
and I’m trying to be sensitive but also
pressing him so that I can understand what’s going on.

And yes there is a lump so
I’m asking what happens next and if they’re going
to do some tests to find out if it’s the bad kind.
And John’s says finally, clearly,
as if I should already know

that its cancer.

-Leah Costello

Chances Are

CHANCES ARE

I’m emailing David
that my mother has found a lump and that
what will I do
if she’s not going to be around to be a
grandmother to my future potential imaginary children?

David writes back not to worry because
97% of the things
you worry about in life
don’t ever happen.

I know he means well
and I feel a little better
but what if the 97%
includes things like
what if I don’t get that report done or
what if I can’t afford a new car or
what if I’m late in filing my income taxes.

And the 3% includes
that my mother has cancer
and that she is going to die
and then she won’t be around to be a grandmother to my kids?

-Leah Costello