Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Chances Are


I’m emailing David
that my mother has found a lump and that
what will I do
if she’s not going to be around to be a
grandmother to my future potential imaginary children?

David writes back not to worry because
97% of the things
you worry about in life
don’t ever happen.

I know he means well
and I feel a little better
but what if the 97%
includes things like
what if I don’t get that report done or
what if I can’t afford a new car or
what if I’m late in filing my income taxes.

And the 3% includes
that my mother has cancer
and that she is going to die
and then she won’t be around to be a grandmother to my kids?

-Leah Costello

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Casual Call

In my past life as a caterer we would say that it’s
not only about the food it’s about the
presentation too.

So I’m talking on the phone to
my mother
first about new recipes and the
daily activities of her cats and mine.

And then about how I’m
feeling, about my
upcoming move and
ending yet another relationship.

We update on my
who is about to undergo
surgery and radiation for a
small cancerous tumour in her breast.
And we’re genuinely sad and
respectfully worried but then again
that’s the kind of thing that happens to
grandmothers. And mothers,
when they get older.

And then Mom mentions that
a few months ago
she also found a lump, and that
she’s scheduled to have it
checked out too
sometime in the coming weeks.

And looking back I wonder
if it was spontaneous that she
mentioned her health on that call or
if she planned the message carefully to be
mixed in with other things to make it
seem like no big deal.

-Leah Costello