It's Cancer

IT’S CANCER

I’m driving to sailing and I
call Mom and John to
ask about the check-up.

It’s been a couple of days so
probably perhaps that means there’s no
bad news to speak of?

It’s not unusual for them to mention
days or weeks later in a conversation
much after the fact
that Mom’s broken her arm
and they had to drive 6 hours to the hospital in Kamloops, twice,
and now she has a metal plate bolted into her elbow.
Or that John lit the computer shed
on fire by accident last week but luckily the
local volunteer fire brigade
of neighbours with buckets
dipping water out of the creek
put the flames out before they reached the house.

John’s flustered and worried and frustrated
and I’m trying to be sensitive but also
pressing him so that I can understand what’s going on.

And yes there is a lump so
I’m asking what happens next and if they’re going
to do some tests to find out if it’s the bad kind.
And John’s says finally, clearly,
as if I should already know

that its cancer.

-Leah Costello

Chances Are

CHANCES ARE

I’m emailing David
that my mother has found a lump and that
what will I do
if she’s not going to be around to be a
grandmother to my future potential imaginary children?

David writes back not to worry because
97% of the things
you worry about in life
don’t ever happen.

I know he means well
and I feel a little better
but what if the 97%
includes things like
what if I don’t get that report done or
what if I can’t afford a new car or
what if I’m late in filing my income taxes.

And the 3% includes
that my mother has cancer
and that she is going to die
and then she won’t be around to be a grandmother to my kids?

-Leah Costello

A Casual Call

In my past life as a caterer we would say that it’s
not only about the food it’s about the
presentation too.

So I’m talking on the phone to
my mother
first about new recipes and the
daily activities of her cats and mine.

And then about how I’m
feeling, about my
upcoming move and
ending yet another relationship.

We update on my
grandmother
who is about to undergo
surgery and radiation for a
small cancerous tumour in her breast.
And we’re genuinely sad and
respectfully worried but then again
that’s the kind of thing that happens to
grandmothers. And mothers,
when they get older.

And then Mom mentions that
a few months ago
she also found a lump, and that
she’s scheduled to have it
checked out too
sometime in the coming weeks.

And looking back I wonder
if it was spontaneous that she
mentioned her health on that call or
if she planned the message carefully to be
mixed in with other things to make it
seem like no big deal.

-Leah Costello

Here is Leah. Sometimes it's good to put a face to a name. That, and for me to remember who I am and what I look like. Do you ever think that it's unusual that other people know what you look like better than you do yourself? Because I think that a person's mannerisms reflect much more about what you look like than when you're standing in front of the mirror brushing your teeth...

Hmmm... can't seem to figure out how to post the picture... will have to do that later.

I'm thinking maybe this can become my version of Bridget Jone's Diary. Could be an interesting read...

Well, this seems easy even for a "late-adopter" technology person like me. Wonder what will happen when I push the Post button...